Wednesday, May 17, 2006 Y
i wanted to say.. i hate going in 3s.. n i mean HATE.. but in my whole life.. i seems to be fated with 3s all the time.. i shall talk abt my pri sch frens..
ya, it was 3s.. Yvonne and Meihui.. Though we dun go out as often now, or mayb yvonne not reali close to hui, so we went out in 3s once in a while.. for me, i can go out with yvonne alone, or with hui alone.. but it was like, we 3 were quite gd frens.. since the times in the bball team, we have been tgt ya.. hmm ok.. perhaps, i should say, is when we were going to sec sch den we started being close.. but for yvonne, we have been close since pri 5? if i've not rem wrongly.. we quarrelled once, in pri 6.. n it was becoz of a trival matter.. n luckily, we settled in less than a wk cos i dialled to the wrong person.. meaning i meant to call someone else, but dialled her num instead.. n heng i made this "mistake", if not, i think right now, we wouldnt be as close.. i reali treasure her.. though she's not by my side physically, i know she worries for me all the time.. thanks alot.. i reali love u.. n hope u dun get so stressed out by ur work ya.. take gd care..
next.. proceeded to sec sch.. i was with priscilla all the while from sec 1 to sec 2.. if u guys had read my blog previously, i had one entry specially on her.. cos she was my fren from since nursery.. we went to the same pri sch, same cls.. super close.. den same sec sch.. during sec 2, i had a bf.. ya, i know i'm in the wrong.. cos i put him above everyone else.. n eventully, yee tung came into the picture.. most of the times, the 3 of us were tgt again.. but then again, we were not that close as before alr.. since i always with my bf, i tend to neglect them.. during recess, though we 3 were tgt, i'll be the one who felt so left out.. i mean i know maybe i deserve it, it was me who neglected them in the 1st place, i dun blame them.. n i dun have the right to blame them.. i cant take it anymore.. i joined another group of frens..
this group of frens.. consist of ard 11 ppl.. we called ourselves LC.. ok.. but i can only clique with a few.. n recently, we had some misunderstandings.. of coz i'm sad.. i hope things can go back to the last time, when we were at seoul garden at woodlands, celebrating jiamin's bday.. veron fed wangpeng eat, shuyan fed ruiyong eat n etc... but now, things can nv be the same.. i can only clique with rina n veron.. SEE.. 3s again.. nvm.. talk abt veron, she was my greatest enemy on pri 2.. i stil rem that time she stapled her finger accidentally.. i was the one who burst into laughter.. ok, it's kinda of mean.. but i was YOUNG.. den we got to know each other better during bball training.. her temper was damn foul.. gradually we became more sensible, her temper became much more better.. i mean MUCH MUCH MORE better.. as for rina, i'm glad that she stil takes the initiative to ask me out.. i reali appreciate that.. little actions can definitely melt anyone's heart.. she n me were close when we were in sec 3.. cos we were in the same cls.. n we sat next to each other for 2 whole years.. we nv quarrel.. cos she has a gd character.. she's soft hearted, she is funny.. we 3 juz met up a wk ago.. ya, i like the session.. though we dint talk much abt how's happening ard us.. i believe there's always next time.. n alot of times..
yes.. now in poly.. 3s AGAIN.. me, sean n victor.. the only diff from the above is that this time round there r 2 guys instead of 2 gers.. wat should i say.. i truly hate 3s.. 1st sem, we were close.. we skipped lecture go pak pool pak mahjong watched movie.. we had fun.. ya.. that was 1st sem.. 2nd sem.. things happened btw sean n victor.. i was caught in the middle.. n i seriously detest this feeling.. i tried to patch them up but things dint go as smoothly as i thot.. ok.. i'm glad they r close tgt now.. this sem, i played mind games with sean.. n ended up some problems.. i know it was my fault ya.. but now also ok alr.. i reali miss vampig, duabin n rubber duckie.. is juz that... things juz cant be the same as 1st sem..
den.. joey n ling.. ling n me were frens since sec 3.. ling intro joey to me.. 1stly, ling n me were close.. den after graduation.. ling n joey drifted apart.. that very day, we 3 intended to go out.. becoz i wanted 3 of us to at least continue keep close contact.. but ling decided to go for her 208 gathering, n i cant possibly ps joey last min.. so i went.. n that was the day when she n me got close.. coz she so happened to be there for me when i'm troubled, n i so happened to be there for her when she was troubled.. we somehow neglected ling.. however, we did try to patch things up with her.. n yes we did.. the last vacation we worked tgt.. but in 3s, things can nv work out.. each of us sure have times when we felt left out.. i told joey before, n she also thot so.. i did think of cutting off contact from them, hmm.. not cut off contact reali, mayb juz dun wan to be so close ba.. n joey did think abt this idea also, she said she felt she's the 3rd party who comes in btw us cos me n ling knew each other 1st.. but now i'm thinking.. this is not the way wat.. so i dropped the idea n we shun qi zhi ran..
the most successful going out in 3 would be the dayout with sherman n laine.. cos that was the only time i am 100% sure that no one had felt left out.. from the dinner at the restaurant.. we chatted.. to the street along orchard road.. the 3 of us stil can chat tgt.. ya, that was reali the 1st n only time things work out in 3s..
i've had enough.. if we r going out in 3s, pls dun call me along.. dun assure me that things can work out.. i've tried several times.. this is bullshit..
i have this thinking now, i duno wat will happen tmr.. perhaps smth disastrous will befall me tmr? wat i can do now is to smile n stay happy everyday.. take things easy.. i'm going to put frens above bf.. if jun gonna read this, i bet he agrees with me too.. cos it was him who psychoed me that frens r more important.. cos he himself thinks this way too.. i'll try to balance btw bf n frens..
no more mind games, no more attitudes from me.. i'm sick n tired of all these games.. in frenship, there should always be one listener n one talker.. one who should give in more n one who acts dao.. well.. i'm the one who will make the 1st move.. cos i cant accept that i'll be losing any frenship.. i dun c y i should play hard to get if i can salvage the frenship.. but it felt terrible being the middleman to help patch things up.. if u get wat i mean.. i will nv wan to be middleman again.. who will like the feeling of being misunderstood of ur goodwill..
if i said i've recovered from the hurt.. den i'll be lying.. i wanted u to be frank with me, i know i shouldnt feel this way, but this cant be helped.. i'm hurt by ur words.. i'm hurt by her actions.. i felt so unimportant to u guys.. till now.. i would stil be thinking n feeling sad.. but i promise.. for those who wan to be frank to me, i will get ready n not afraid to watever u wanna say.. wat over is over.. no way will i be able to forget.. everyone sees who I appear to be but only a few know the real me. you only see what i choose to show. there's so much behind my smile you just don't know... Just once, when i say 'oh, i'm fine' i want someone to look me in the eyes and say 'Okay. Now tell the truth.'
i'll learn to be the listener, n talk less.. i wont wan to share my probs with ppl anymore.. not tat i trust no one, is becoz i dun wan my prob to affect any of u.. cos i udst, i may have troubles.. it doesnt mean that the rest do not have their own troubles too.. y should i add a burden to someone else? If you tell the truth people will hate you for it... If you tell a lie people will hate you for it... So don't say anything and stay the fuck out of it.
I've been lying to myself for a while now. I've told myself I'm happy, told myself I like myself, told myself I don't annoy myself and told myself I don't care what other people think. This means I have been lying to everyone of you as well. The only problem now is I can't face it, but stil try and get happy. Stay true to yourself and don't worry about pleasing everyone.. it's impossible to be liked by all.. in 10 ppl, there may be only 1 who is ur best fren.. y worried abt the other 9 unimportant characters when u have the one n only one..
i know i'm gullible.. i know if someone asks me wat happened, i'll juz show my true feelings.. i cant hide.. i trust ppl very easily.. coz i dun c any reasons y they should lie to me.. u r my fren, i trust u.. from sean.. i learnt that some ppl r cunning n scheming.. we cant juz look everything on the surface.. there r things that we dint c it ourselves.. i'm only 18.. ya, dun underestimate the age 18, becoz this is when i grow up.. if i have many troubles now, wat's gonna happen when i'm older..
thanks for my msn fren who nv fails to talk sense to me..
i should say...
thanks jinming who nv fails to talk sense to me n make me do alot of thinkings..
11:03 PM -
hearts