duno y.. the feeling came back.. i hate it.. i'm into depression again.. i tried not to.. but i cant control my thoughts..
i was reading all my sms the other day.. those very close all gone ~ no longer close, no longer hanging out, no longer chatting as if we got no tmr.. though we were together, i felt lonely.. i seem to be enjoying, but i dun..
i cant find one who reali stand by me.. someone said, frens are to be hu xiang li yong (used by each other).. i have to agree to that wont i?
i have to admit, i'm afraid of making new frens now.. i dun wan.. i wanna be anti social.. everyone will juz be acquiantance to me... frens no more.. i cant say i dun need, becoz everyone needs.. but then, who knows one day they might betray u.. i chose to keep things to myself.. thot of the past.. i'm saddened..
i might be treating u the best i can, but it is indeed disappointed n sadded to feel that u r not treating me the same i treated u.. felt like shit.. felt so extra.. felt that i'm unimpt to anyone.. felt that i can be alone..
someone said frens cannot be compared, cannot compare who give in more, who take in more.. ok.. it all comes to the same phrase.. life is unfair.... frens come n go.. n i've to keep telling myself that the effort would be paid off one day..
i hope to get understandings and encouragements from frens, u r my fren n i'm ur fren.. u r not my mum, u r to encourage me, not to reprimand me.. i dun dare tell u all the things now, not say dun dare, is dun have the feel, becoz u dint show me ur support.. u showed me that look, u gave me that tone, sorry i couldnt take it..
i give the best encouragement to my frens, cos i strongly believe, they juz wan someone else to double confirm.. dun get it ?? for example, my fren, jenny had alr made the decision that she wanna go join the singing competition, i believe her parents have been asking her countless times to reconsider, so instead of saying "u reali wan to sing mehz? u thot it carefully alr?? u think u got the quality huh?" i would say.. "give it a try !" this is the confirmation she wants..
this is wat u hope to hear from ur frens doesnt it? alex lost money in soccer, of cos i wont say smth like " dun bet le la, lose alr stil bet.." no, i dun do that.. i would still tell him.. "nvm ah, try again next time..." if i were his mum, most prob i would give him a scolding and banned him from betting... but.. i'm his fren.. i'm to stand by his side, not to add fuel to the fire.. he knows it very well that he lost quite a large amt of money, i dun have to remind him.. all he needs is my encouragement..
in return, he sms me.. "thanks alot.." that 's all i wan..
dun underestimate the power of sms.. a simple sms can make a person smile from morning to night.. not only that, when u r feeling down, u stil have the sms to "refer" n make ur day brighter.. someone out there probably might not commit suicide becoz of ur ONE sms.. it can be as simple as 2 words "take care".. but it juz warms our heart to know that there's someone who cares for u..
lastly.. thanks alot sean.. for today.. for being there for me to tell u how i felt which i dint have the feel to tell anyone else.. thanks for being there to confide in u, thanks for listening to my grumbles, thanks for the jokes exchanged, thanks for the laughter we had.. n thanks for the sexy legs..
1:16 PM -
hearts