Tuesday, September 12, 2006 Y
juz when i mentioned i miss sean and victor..
i met sean on sunday evening for dinner.. it was a last min date becoz i reali dun feel like having steamboat with wenjun and his frens.. kind of awkward and i was reali in a very low mood.. wat makes me even more pissed was when i told jun i dun feel like going for the steamboat, he actually showed me attitude and said "aiya, dun go lor, since u dun feel like going.."
i was like.. wtf.. shouldnt he showed some concern and ask me y i suddenly back out? this is reali not usual wat, coz i seldom last min back out any meals with his frens.. can say is the 1st time i reali is LAST MIN back out de.. we should be having dinner at ard 6 plus, but i 5 plus sms sean and met him for dinner instead..
well.. i was glad i dint turn up for the dinner if not i think i will feel very miserable.. becoz of a misunderstanding with his fren.. ya.. this is the 2nd time alr.. will there be a 3rd time? i hope not.. but some things are beyond our control..
it all happened on sat la.. after i went out with laine den i went to meet up with the 5 guys.. we chatted on the phone happily, exchanging sms with smiles on my face.. he's the main contributer of my smses.. but when i met up with them.. i duno y leh.. juz couldnt get my mood up..
when i reached tampines, they were at cafe cartel.. and i asked zm "downstairs huh?".. he replied yes !! so i took escalator down and walked one round searching for cafe cartel.. i know i was dumb la.. went tampines so many times stil dun rem wher is it.. and juz one round.. i saw wenjun's ex-gf..
mayb on the outside i may appear to be bo chap bo chap.. but i will stil feel jealous de leh.. ppl who knows me know y i hated hello kitty so much.. and i nv drink green tea becoz of one reason.. it was childish of me! but.. that's me.. den i went up and met the guys.. but i have to geng and tell them "hey, i met wenjun's ex leh.."
i mean.. their r'ship has been over for long la.. but this is natural reaction wat.. i shouldnt feel jealous.. but wat to do.. dun tell me u can go up and "hi, u r my bf's ex-gf huh? nice to meet u.. i'm ur ex-bf''s gf.."
den a little affected my mood lor.. and caused jm to moodswing also.. i know he tried hard to chat with me.. but 1stly, my mood was kinda of affected even before i met them.. 2ndly, is becoz i couldnt look at a person straight in the eyes when i was talking to that person..
all these actions gave him a feeling of bochapness.. i'm sorry.. i dun mean it.. that explains y i prefer to chat while walking.. or at a beach.. at esplanade facing the sea..
the awkwardness begins when i reached home.. i talked to him on msn.. but he showed no interest.. i asked him y.. den he simply said nth.. den it's ok ba.. i wait till he sort things out den tell me..
me and sean went to hougang mall for dinner.. our main course we chose cheap cheap.. den for desserts, we chose more expensive but worth eating.. it was mango pudding which costed 3 bucks per cup, egg pudding and fu pi.. they were reali tasty..
after eating.. we walked from hougang back to sengkang.. on the way we chatted.. i always prefer to chat without any eye contact la.. becoz if i look at a person into the eyes, i tend to stammer and forget wat i wanna say.. i know it's kinda rude to talk to that person without any eye contact.. but it's difficult ya..
reached home.. den saw his nick.. duno wanna take the initative.. but i reali cant tahan this kind of mind games.. ya.. i started the conversation.. and once again.. we solved the misunderstanding.. muz we always have this kind of mind games every week? or every now and then? if there's next time.. bo bao we'll solve the misunderstanding again.. becoz it's too tiring to play mind games.. either ther's no next time of mind games or there's no next outing anymore..
of coz i hope there wont be next time of mind games la.. i wont be able to take it.. i'll explode.. i appreciate the times when u pei me smsing when i'm working.. being the main contributer of my smses.. thanks alot.. sometimes i do recall the 1st outing.. coz it was reali enjoying.. sometimes i do miss u, miss the times we argued.. miss the times paoing mei yan with zm.. miss the times when i was suaning reno..
i'm glad that hh did cheer u up.. and it somehow also makes me feel that u prefer her.. becoz she's juz too sweet and she has her ways to cheer a person.. i did ask how would u feel if someone praise another guy in front of u.. u did ans that the guy muz be reali good that he will be praised by other ppl.. this is how i managed to think thru ya.. she has her good points.. and she dun show much attitudes unlike me..
sometimes i would feel unimpt and becoz of this "unimptance" within me.. plus being the over sensitive ger, some words i can c as jokes, but some i cant.. some more i've alr sounded out to u how i was affected by hh being the "new" ger and how u all praised her on that day would actually affected my mood.. all the more i wouldnt c as a joke if u say u prefer her.. i felt upset.. and if this "joke" were to be carried on for days ah.. i reali wont c it as a joke alr.. who knows i might have this thinking that u reali preferred her and eventually i will drift from u.. i know it's being xiao qi of me.. but this is how i'll react..
whenever i'm alone for lunch, i would think of all the memories.. the times with LC, that day when we help to celebrate yan's and min's bday.. the times with sean and victor, when we went pooling, clubbing and crapping.. the times with bitress, at suntec playing the bball, the gossipping...
*thanks sean for chatting with me during my lunch time ytd.. and thanks laine for conferencing with us !! =D
8:31 PM -
hearts