Saturday, December 23, 2006 Y
tto2 bbq had passed..
on 21 dec 06..
bitress, xiong, yyl, edmond, guowen, sherman, lo khai and audrey were there..
consider a cls?? i duno.. i'm sure there were awkwardness.. i felt it.. but wat to do.. i'm not taking initiative.. should i? i think being left alone would be the best choice..
at east coast park..
reminded me the tto2 bbq that we had in march THIS year..
sat on the stone seat..
i rem the seat..
i rem chatting with sean on that seat..
everything isnt the same now..
i had a chat with hy.. only we two.. on frenship again.. i'm being enlightened.. yes.. BY MISS WAN.. though we spend only like 30 mins of chatting..?
i've been giving up since sec sch.. not that i haven been trying.. i've tried.. but only once.. and that ONCE decides to move on or back off..
now.. only bitress, wenjun and his frens were my daily rountine.. i admit i did change.. i'm not the one taking initiative anymore.. i duno if it's a gd change.. so that i'll get to know who will appreciate me and spend my time more on them?
i gave up a lot of frenships.. from sec sch, to now.. ya.. i'm stil doing that.. it's not that the frenship cannot withstand any obstacles..
sorry.. i chose this path..
i'm guilty for treating u 2 gers this way..
i realised.. it isnt easy for fate to knock on our doors among millions of ppl.. it isnt easy to get to know each other among millions of ppl.. it isnt easy to click with each other among millions of ppl.. it isnt easy for us to hang out together.. it isnt easy for us to become frens..
i missed the times..
i wanna have dinner and meet up with u 2 gers..
i have been avoiding all this while.. i shouldnt give up any more frenship.. reali shouldnt..
but so wat if i've been giving all the while.. i dint feel appreciated.. i felt like shit.. i treasured.. but do u? i wanna face it.. but i juz cant help but geng geng yu huai.. i wanna know the reason behind that lie.. ok.. i'm petty.. becoz i care.. i wanna get us back to track.. but.. i'm tired..
show me at least u care? show me at least i'm impt? a simple sms? tht's all i need..
when someone hurts u, it forms a hole in the heart..
the hole couldnt be filled becoz it's meant for that someone..
it happens to everyone..
when u do something hurtful..
rem..
this is the hole u'll form in his/her heart..
frens.. not all ppl put frens as priority.. how sucky it felt when u placed the person as priority but u were being placed as option..?
if that's the case.. y should a person take the initiative? shouldnt a person replaced the priority to someone who placed that person as priority as well?
i'm stil considering..
wat is my decision?
movie with jun and his frens last nite..
watched Eragon.. pretty nice show..
me, jun, zm, reno, jm, jf, jh, mj, i ta..
celebrated jf's and reno's bday at the carpark..
nice cake.. nice licking by the 2 guys..
disliked the stares from i ta..
i'm being biased here.. but i juz dun like..
i was chatting with jm abt jun's bday celebration..
come on.. he duno a thing..
i might be saying i dun give a damn..
but it isnt gd..
for both jm and me..
i dun c a reason to explain since jun dint mind..
or perhaps jun felt jealous?
but i'll explain to him..
we went to mac..
me, jun, zm, reno, jm, jf and jh..
nice combi..
i'm mean.. but i dun like the presence of them.. or.. mayb not dislike, should say felt uncomfortable..
we enjoyed.. at the mac.. crapping and laughing.. i dint dare to talk to jh.. i duno how he felt towards me.. mayb not that comfy to talk to gers? i duno.. i juz dun dare.. am i gonna take the 1st step to talk to him? hmm.. unpredictable..
anyway, i juz enjoyed being with them..
juz now had steamboat with bitress.. at my house.. yyh helped to prepare ingredients wor.. nan de lehz.. i was slacking all the while.. thanks to them..
played scrabble, played jenga, played mahjong..
yes.. of coz there were laughters..
i wonder when will it be the day that we can talk serious matters..
i admire hy's determination on frenship.. i couldnt do that..
but we lived once.. i wanna treasure everything now..
now looking forward to 26th dec.. jun's bday..
wanna give him the biggest surprise..
and make his 21st bday a memorable one..
11:02 PM -
hearts