Saturday, April 14, 2007 Y
it has been ages since i last online.. totally moodless for everything.. there was a short period of time which i felt so disgusted at the mention of "fren" and "love".. or.. maybe only on one particular day which i felt extremely disgusted..
ytd was my last day of work at iras.. time flies.. we stil thot of the 1st day when we came in tgt.. we sat on the sofa, waiting for one another to self intro.. working with brendan, clarence, and edmond were fun..
brendan got nicknames such as beckham, bendan and burden.. edmond as chaplin and xiao cai.. for clarence ah.. not too sure lehz.. but anyway, we slacked whole day.. i enjoyed their company though they always despise me and teased me for being useless..
these few days, they noticed that my mood wasnt too good.. they did show their concern by asking y am i feeling so emo.. i duno how to ans them.. i juz dun have the mood..
that day when i was at the office.. da jie sms me.. asked me whether i'll be at home on sat or sun, coz she'll be coming back.. initially i told her i'll be free on sun, but i changed to sat, becoz there's a celebration on sat.. i dint wanna go..
den da jie asked.. "y so anti social now?" wat can i reply.. indeed i become more anti social now.. i dun like going out in big groups now.. i was struggling when going out in groupz.. i was not confortable.. izzit becoz i dun like to go out in groups, or izzit i dun like to go out with groups..
frens.. i forgot the definition of frens.. or... i nv know wat is the definition of frens.. izzit becoz i am not a gd fren myself and therefore deserved not to have frens? i'm tired.. i juz feel like rotting at home everyday.. i'm reali very disappointed.. mayb i'm at fault too.. but wat i c now, i dun think my wrong is that serious..
love.. 2 months.. i'm giving my love 2 months to bloom again.. but.. will the feeling be the same? mayb i'm not a very gd gf.. but i can say i did try my effort to maintain this ship.. ppl always say, all of us should be given a 2nd chance.. i did think of that, but it's reali very tiring.. sometimes when u've given up, no matter how much changes there is, the feeling is juz different..
i'm glad and touched.. his frens stil keep in contact and cared for me.. on that day itself, maojie called me.. though he was crapping, but i knew he was trying to c whether i'm alright.. zm cared abt us.. he was coming up with solutions and suggestions for us.. i ta, every now and den, he would sms me ask me wat am i doing and showed his concern.. ym, whenever he sms me, it'll be regarding to mahjong, but i knew he was trying to keep me occupied..
everyone cares.. i appreciated.. and they mentioned.. even if i'm single, they will stil ask me out.. as frens.. =)
i envied them.. their bonds were strong.. the trust is there.. they can rely on every single one if anything happens..
i know u cared too.. i know u regretted telling me.. but wat's done cannot be undone.. i know i have to follow my heart.. i know u r not in very good condition, so do i.. at least u stil have ur 2 very best frens who r there for u..
i'm afraid i might juz lost someone who i can confide in.. it's not ur prob, is mine.. i dun wan u to have the thinking that i'm taking u for granted.. i know u'll always be there whenever i needed someone.. watever it is.. i'm grateful for all the things u did..
for now.. i stil duno wat is my decision.. wat izzit that holds me back? the person? or the 3 yr plus?wat izzit that confused my mind? the person? or the feeling?
i'm tired.. but i'm gonna be strong and no one can influence my thinking..
bitress dinner on thurs.. yeah.. it was b-i-t-r-e-s-s.. we had a talk.. of coz our frenship had some prob and that explains this talk.. which frenship dun have prob? if it doesnt, den dun compare our frenship with urs.. coz.. this talk brings us back tgt.. our frenship had level up.. we opened to each other the things that was kept inside us for so long.. i believe.. once a bitress, always a bitress..
*the song in my blog.. very nice.. very memorable.. i liked it very much..*
2:15 PM -
hearts