sch started last week, no tutorials.. only lectures.. mon and tues no sch.. nuaing at home whole day.. wednesday total no mood for schling.. no mood to do anything.. juz wanna rot at home, do nothing.. watch vcd..
zm's bday on wed.. i was asked to go.. but i dint go.. at night.. he saw the blog we created for him.. hope he likes it.. becoz i did put effort into it.. at least a little effort of asking all of them to post an entry for him..
sat.. jun and i went out as agreed.. to exchange his shirt at topman.. but after trying the other size, we think that there isnt a need to change.. went vivo, den to bugis.. wanted to watch movie, but there isnt a suitable time slot..
den went back home.. watch tv, ate durian for dinner.. nua tgt.. mayb it was our last meeting, i reali treasured the time with him..
ard 11 plus, went to eat prawn mee for supper.. den on the way home, the 1st time i felt bu she de.. mayb is becoz we knew we wont be meeting up anymore, tends to treasure even more..
mayb if u love someone very deeply, u will forget the past, forgive whatever wrongs that the person had done, and move on.. but.. some disappointments or accumulated disappointments arent easy to get over..
i can forget everything, but can i reali treat as if nth happened..? i mean, mayb it isnt that serious after all, but with all the accumulated disappointments, if we were to carry on like this for life, i'm afraid i will stil leave u one day..
Accumulated disppointments matters.. regardless of which "ship"..
sorry.. i hafta be selfish and think of my future, my happiness.. i dun wan to envy ppl.. if i can choose, of coz i wan ppl to envy me.. i'm harsh, but i wan u to udst thru this harshness..
i have learnt..
always treasure before they are gone.. dun take things for granted.. i duno when they will be leaving, and i have no idea that they will leave me one day without reason.. this is a lesson for us to learn..
everyone asks me, "is this wat u wan? juz dun regret.."
now.. i have my decision.. i cant have regrets.. and i hope i wont regret..
becoz i've learnt.. dun rely.. learn to think for myself, learn to settle problems on my own, learn to be independent, learn to be more responsible..
no one is there forever to tell me wat wrong i have committed.. no one is there for me forever.. no one can replace me, my body or my soul.. this is me.. i have to be responsible for myself..
if i cant even be responsible for my own actions, my own doings... i dun think i can be responsible for someone else, not to mention, my partner, my love one..
i wan to give my partner the security.. i wan to let my partner to feel he's the only one i love, i wan to let my partner feel my love for him.. i wan to let my partner feel that no one can replace him.. i wan to let my partner feel that we have a future together..
if i can do that, if u can do that, if anyone can do that, den i think u have the qualification to be in a r'ship.. if these basic elements were not fulfilled, i dun c a point to carry on..
therefore, unless i can ensure all the elements are fulfilled, i will not wanna fall into loveship yet..
all the above doesnt applies to r'ship only.. this applies to friendship too.. the security for the fren, the love and importance of the fren, not replacable by juz anyone in the heart and that we can stick tgt for life..
is ur partner worth spending whole life tgt? is ur fren worth spending whole life tgt? fren is as equally important as partner..
i muz learn to balance my time btw partner and fren as well.. i dun wan my fren to feel neglected, i dun wan my fren to think that he/she is not important.. i dun wan my fren to think that he/she is being taken for granted..
i'm learning..
r u learning? or have u learnt?
Love is patient, love is kind..
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres..
taken from yyh's blog.. it's meaningful.. =)
[And everyone should be optimistic in their life to live their everyday the happiest and fullest. At least you won't trun back and say, "I should have enjoyed that period of time more, why didn't I treasured it then?"
Sometimes, it deosn't really matter if the person is with you right now. What matters is, the memories with that person, will always be in your heart..]
these few days in sch.. the feel juz isnt the same.. the bitress were not there anymore.. or should i say.. bitress are there, inside here ---> <3
but it's juz isnt the same, without the 6 of us walking to canteen 2 tgt.. without the 6 of us gossiping and laughing in cls like nobody's business.. without the 6 of us to crap and joke during the breaks.. without me or bindi psychoing everyone to skip lecture, without having to wait for everyone to pack bag and go for lunch tgt, without having 6 brains to think of where to go for lunch, without arguments on wher to go for lunch, without "anything" or "shui bian"..
everyday juz seems very different..
without informing the 2 of them where is the clsroom, without being late for cls tgt.. without taking bus and meet on the bus tgt.. without nv fail of buying sweets, without the vulgarities, without going out tgt..
everything juz isnt the same..
i dun wanna live in the past.. but i juz missed everything..
memories are important.. good memories are definitely stored in that tiny brain for life.. i'm happy that i once had happy memories with everyone.. though some might have drifted apart, though some might not have any contact at all.. i'm glad we did have those fond memories..
hearts