those 3 days were like hell to me.. it reali doesnt feel good to be the one waiting and waiting.. finally.. i truly udst how was the feeling..
while waiting.. i met sean at 8 plus.. i bought a pack.. den at ard 11 plus.. i reached amk.. i dint wanna go home 1st.. so i juz sat under the void deck and waited again.. becoz they will be reaching at 2 plus..
time was passing damn damn slow la.. took one after one stick.. and until i met him at ard 1 plus.. the whole pack finished.. one pack within a nite is rather serious.. but.. when u r feeling down.. all the more u will turn to it..
but.. now.. i seems to kan kai more le.. no more smoking for me anymore.. coz i have tot of solution.. and i'm happier to move my attention to other things..
anyway.. all guys dun like gers who smoke..
i know it's gonna be a long battle.. and i know how much effort i have to put in once again.. i dun mind.. i take rejections and all the comments.. as long as i've tried my best.. and i juz have to accept wat's mine eventually will be mine..
i might not have a clear minded becoz all i hope was to get back tgt.. dint think of other factors.. but now.. i reali can udst everyone needs time..
everything starts from scratch, from the day we met outside heeren.. to gain their trust once again.. i believe time can prove.. i'm not rushing anymore..
wat i felt.. those were the hardest times i had experienced becoz i've actually lost 3 kg without wanting to jian fei.. and thanks to those who showed care and concern for me.. staying with me thru all this..
1stly..
elaine kong - smsed from morning to nite.. worried that smth will happen to me.. consoled me.. give me advices.. and in the middle of the night when i got any sudden feel or idea, i'll juz sms him regardless of time date or venue.. even if at 2 or 3 plus in the morning, i juz sms.. though i know will wake her up..
2ndly..
josephine lee - related her case to me.. giving me advices.. consoling me and udsting the feeling and sympathize with me.. msned and smsed almost everyday, care and concern from her.. like wat she said, there's a magic connection between us..
3rdly..
joey quek - it had been quite some time since we last met up.. but we stil can chat everything under the sun.. she udst.. sometimes she was even more agitated den me.. i was touched that she stayed with me till 4 plus.. worrying for me..
da jie was concerned too..
vincent realised i've deleted my frenster and sent a sms juz to tell me that he can be my listening ears.. all these while.. frm the day i know vincent.. he's always always somewher out there caring for me thinking of me.. once in a while, though i'm cold towards him.. he'll stil be there.. =)
also weixiong.. updating him thru msn.. lending me listening eye.. helped to analyse..
when i went to work.. there's stil lao da there cracking jokes with his brothers.. listening to my complains all that.. worried for me, cared for me and controlling the number of sticks i took..
i argued with my mama ytd.. felt so guilty.. she muz be damn sad that i said all those in a fit of anger..
Sometimes people come into your life & you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out who you are or who you want to become..
u never know who these people may be (long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know at the very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way..
and sometime things will happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, & unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming these obstacles that you would have never realized your true potential, strength, will power, or heart..
everything happens for a reason.. Nothing happens by chance or by mean of good luck.. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness & sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul..
without this small test, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.. It would be safe & comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless..
without all these happened.. he wont changed so much better now.. and i wont know who i reali love.. and without all these happened.. my r/s with elaine, josephine, joey or da jie would not be brought closer..
perhaps.. this might be a small little test of our love? or perhaps.. this might be a little test to treasure each other more? or perhaps this might be a little test to search for our true love?
he had always stayed in my heart.. i reali hope.. one day i can stil be able to take care and love him with all i have.. =)
but all these moodswings and troubles should be over now.. coz i'm certain of wat i wan and wat to do now.. do not rush things.. we both need time to let the matter fade off.. but.. i will try my utmost best to do within my meanz..
We should take as many pictures as possible, laugh like there's no tmr.. forgive and forget freely, and love like you've never been hurt.. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts..
Things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up.. It simply means that you move on and treasure the memories.. Letting go doesn't mean giving up... it means accepting that some things weren't meant to be..
Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.. Remember the past, plan for the future, but live for today, because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come..
Sometimes, when you're angry, you have the right to be angry, but you don't have the right to be cruel.. Never allow someone to be your priority while you're just their option.. I like to pretend that everything's alright.. Because when everybody else thinks you're fine, sometimes you forget for a while that you're not..
The only reason people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the only things that dont change; when everybody else does.. Similarly, the beauty of photographs.. those were the evidence.. We don't have to change friends, if we understand that friends change.. We should always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be that last time you see them or they see me..
Sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down, will be the one who helps you get up.. When two people argue, doesn't mean they don't love each other.. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.. Our tears are what happens when it rains deep inside our hearts and we cannot hold the rain any longer..
Sometimes you just can’t open up to someone.. Not because you don’t trust them.. But because once you tell someone how you feel inside, you’re giving them permission to hurt you.. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart.. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love & how to open your heart & eyes to things.. sometimes it's reali difficult to find someone who u can trust.. it takes a few yrs to gain a trust, but it takes a mistake, a second to lose all the trust..
Appreciate every moment & take from those moments everything you could possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again..
Most importantly, if you love someone tell him or her, for you NEVER know what tomorrow may have in store.. And learn a lesson in life each day you live.. Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday.. Was it worth it?
In the end everyone will hurt you.. it's up to you to decide who is worth the pain..
This is a story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.. There was an important job to be done and everybody was sure somebody would do it.. Anybody could have done it but Nobody did it.. Somebody got angry with that because it was Everybodys's job.. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realised that Everybody wouldnt do it.. It ended that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go..
"Eleven Hints for Life"
1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel..
2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go..
3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had..
4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives..
5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone..
6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright..
7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do..
8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too..
9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless..
10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way..
11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.
10:43 AM -
hearts