sometimes i wonder..

sometimes i think..

if i'm in need.. who will be there for me always?

i'm so disappointed in myself..

at my age.. i should have found a group of besties that we would hang out together, gossip together, share all the woes and weals together, have celebrations together, regardless of birthday, xmas, new year day or chinese new year..

but i dun seems to have "this" group.. and i'm not feeling good.. is there smth wrong with me? or is there smth wrong with my handling of frenship? or am i juz mere unlucky that i dint found a group that i belong to?

i was once from LC club.. i was once from Bitress.. as much as i miss the time with LC members with Rina as the President.. as much as i miss the time with bitress with Bindi as the Da Jie.. but.. time can never turn back now..

i'm so envious.. for those who have their group of frens.. i saw the group photo, i saw the group outing, i saw the birthday celebration..

and i start to think.. how did i spend my bday this year? how did i spend my bday last year? how am i going to celebrate next year? how did i spend my xmas on 2005? how did i spend my xmas on 2006? and how am i going to spend my xmas this year?

izzit becoz as we grow up, our goals and aims with our frens start to differ? and thus, we started to drift? izzit becoz the circle of frens that we mixed with, our thinkings are no longer the same and thus we drifted?

"i'll always be there for you.."

this sentence, looks simple.. but is complicated.. i did come across people who say this to me.. but.. how true can this sentence be?

wat if one day.. i'm heavily in debt.. will you be there for me? wat if one day.. i'm down with aids, will you be there for me? wat if one day.. i've changed to someone who is arrogant, selfish and unreasonable, will you be there for me?

mayb you can say yes.. but when all these things happened.. you never know..

wat exactly are frens for? wat are frens for life? somehow, the definition of "frens" seems very far from me..

sometimes.. when things wanna be in favour of yourself, you tend to say things that are distorted.. and make things worse.. not only will it spoil the frenship between you and her..

it will also bring out the true colours of you.. leading someone to be accusingly maligned..





if anything unclear.. can juz ask me straight.. i will explain to you.. but the profile of this person will be kept confidential, to protect his identity.. =x

3:12 PM -
hearts